Hello and welcome to the Sideways Spirit blog.
A place to talk about all things spiritual.
To discuss ideas.
To talk beliefs.
In an open and supportive way.
A place to challenge your ideas.
It's my hearts desire for this to be a platform for all.
There are NO judgments here. All ideas are offered, all viewpoints flexible.
I want introduce myself to you and talk a little about my journey as a human being that has lead me to this point. This is my first ever blog. Come with me on this writing journey or watch my vlog or both!
My name is Carmen.
I was born in Launceston Tasmania Australia in the Spring of 1983. November.
My parents, a beautiful middle class couple with very different religious beliefs, as in my mother, a devout catholic due to her upbringing, my fathers religion rather non existent, though baptised he came along to church to appease my mother rather than his own strong beliefs.
At the time of my birth my brother was just shy of 2 years old, my parents, who are both from big catholic families, (mum number 2 of 9, dad number 4 of 7) admitted to me later in life that I was born to be a playmate to my brother. A fact that in early childhood, he seemed none too pleased with.
Weekends of my early childhood were spent at sporting grounds with my very active parents. Sunday mornings were reserved for Church with my mother or Sunday school with my brother.
The bible stories always inthralld and confused me… how could a God, powerful and loving and SOOOOOO creative… choose to be so brutal?
“I hit you because I love you”??? Hang on what?
Why is there a man in a fluffy red suit coming down our chimney because Jesus was born? Bunnies with eggs? Excuse me what?
It made no sense to me.
What did make sense was nature.
I loved the water, I loved playing and being outside, getting dirty, climbing trees, picking flowers, creating stories of far off lands with my imagination.
My mother also loved to be outside, we had a garden she spent hours lovingly tending and we often went bush walking. (A easier option for children than hiking)
Yet always hanging over us was God’s watchful eye. Drowner of Giants, salt sculpturer, tester of convictions and faith, enemy of the devil, allower of evil…
Then there were the visions, the apparitions, the visitors in the night. I could walk into a room and feel presence that wasn’t human. “Demons” my mum would say. “Evil beings sent to ….” Do what exactly? Terrorise a child? Most of the presences I felt, when I look back now, weren't scary. But fear has a way of sticking to you. ‘It's a trick’. Don't trust the sheep in wolf's clothing.
So how do you, and what do you trust?
Nature. For me it was always nature. The earth beneath my feet and soil under my fingernails. Water, lapping at my ankles, rushing past my ears and stinging my eyes. The wind tussling my hair and caressing my cheeks.
When I was 7 my mother found a new religion, actually it found her.......well it knocked on the door with smiles and understanding and that set off
a chain of events that ended in the divorce of my parents and major changes for my brother and I and our new baby sister who was just 1 year old..
This new religion gave mum the confidence and support to stand up for herself. My father could not or would not conform to my mothers requests and hence the marriage ended. The split would have been significant enough a change was amplified by the fact that my mother's new religion was Jehovah's Witnesses.
This drastic change in how we lived and what was expected of us as children of this new religion can not be exaggerated. As my mother was our primary career, we were expected to attend 3 meeting a week (every second Sunday we were with our dad), go ‘witnessing’ (door knocking) every second Saturday when we were with our mother and on school holidays. Not only did I move schools BUT I was no longer able to take part in many school celebratory events, ANYTHING religious, no more birthday parties and no more Christmases or Easters with our very large and loving family. My brother and I were also expected to understand a very adult situation at a very young age…AND new “more logical” religious restrictions.
So my exposure to hypocrisy came early and fast. The “do as I say not as I do” mentality. The divide of “good” and “evil” and who has the right to commit “evil” deeds for the “right” reasons.
As a teen I rebelled, I dabbled in Wicca, I investigated indigenous cultures, researched Islam, got a boyfriend and, by the time I was in my early 20’s I was Agnostic, borderline Atheist.
All the research I did, all the wars I saw, all the suffering in the world is created by the NEED of individual belief systems to be RIGHT making all others WRONG. This division creates an us vs them mentality that causes so much harm in the world.
In my twenties I became vegetarian after I witnessed the rawness of animal slaughter in Bolivia and knowing I couldn’t ever do that myself decided I didn’t want other people doing my killing for me, I stopped eating meat. A few years later after more research into humans exploitation of animals, I went full vegan. I felt lighter, more wholesome somehow.
Though I had practised on and off in my 20's, Yoga "found me" in my early thirties when my soul was confused, self deprecating and heartbroken. Through this new found practise I found tranquility in my own mind and acceptance for the path I was treading.
I started to explore the energetic body, research the idea of past lives and multi dimensions.
A series of serendipitous events then led me to my first yoga teacher training where, among a lot of other incredible things, I discovered that even the ancient Yogic texts were originally only meant for men and were classist.
I realised that the core belief of all the religions and many spiritual practices are similar (there are also similar contradiction) All preach loving kindness, non harming, and looking out for each other. There are guidelines for how one should act as part of their community, and how one should connect to God, Gods, Spirit, the Universe.
So I ask is it possible that we are all right, and all wrong?
When there is no absolute tangible scientific measure of the soul, could it not be possible?
What if every belief system is fully correct in some thing and wrong about others?
Science has proven evolution, yet people still believe in God.
Science can not measure instinct, yet we feel intuition.
I am no expert
Not on anything.
I am not seeking absolutes.
All I know is that to live in harmony we must work to understand that which we don’t.
This is a place for this understanding.
So swing your spirit, speak what’s on your mind and always be kind.
Until next time.
Remember love feels and joy heals.
Peace x
Carmen
